Manly Foods: The season of feasting is upon us at last!
Leave the pumpkin spice lattes and butternut squash bisque to your girlfriend, though. Let’s talk about manly foods.
At Big Boy Bamboo, we’re men who love to eat – that’s no secret. As a man (and cartoon panda) myself, I understand the carnal appeal of a testosterone-fueled binge of ridiculously manly foods, and that’s what this post is all about.
Before you start your next binge of manly foods in celebration of Fat Guy Fall, which is totally a thing, at least skim through this list to make sure you’re not missing anything important.
There’s even a vegetarian option!
5 Ridiculously Manly Foods
Here at Big Boy Bamboo, we believe in equal opportunity binging.
Therefore, if any of our lovely female friends reading this post want to indulge in the following recommended manly food dishes, we embrace that.
But you have to admit:
Whoever invented these manly foods had an abundance of testosterone, probably a lack of sound judgment, and a complete disregard for lower intestinal health.
Let’s start with the basics:
Hot Wings and Beer
Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s not manly.
After all, what’s more ridiculously manly than gnawing hot, spicy meat directly off of an animal’s bones?
The celery is optional.
All of us have a favorite wing spot – sometimes a chain, sometimes a local joint – but no matter where you get your deep-fried, saucy, blue cheese dipped hunks of poultry, you’ve got to admit there’s something distinctly masculine about hot wings.
If you don’t have a favorite yet, we’ve got you covered.
Or, you know, Thrillest has got you covered, and we’ve got a link to their post about the 21 best wing places in the country. Hopefully, there’s one near you.
Match those juicy morsels with a tall mug of your favorite beer, and you’re set.
Hot wings and beer, though, are only the training wheels on our ridiculous manly foods journey.
Ready for more?
Meat Sword Parade
Okay, maybe a parade of meat swords doesn’t exactly sound ridiculously manly, but picture this:
You’re sitting in a restaurant.
The smell of roasted meat caresses your nostrils with a delectable assault of carnivorous aromas.
A man in a black suit approaches your table bearing a 3-foot-long sword laden with steak and slices a hunk of juicy beef right onto your plate.
Just as he leaves, another appears with an impressive skewer of seasoned chicken.
And then, there’s roast pork.
And then, there’s a different kind of steak.
And then, there’s lobster.
Get the picture?
The passadores – which translates to meat waiters according to Wikipedia and is basically the coolest job title ever – march around the restaurant with gigantic sword-like skewers of meat, and occasionally pineapple.
As long as you give the signal, the meat will keep coming.
Usually, there are some side dishes and vegetables available for your perusal, too, but who cares about that.
Of course, we promised a vegetarian option on this list, too.
If meat parades aren’t really your thing, then maybe you’d prefer:
Deep Fried Butter
You might have to wait until the fair’s in town to indulge in this miracle of modern technology.
It seems like deep fried butter, one of the most ridiculously manly foods ever served on a stick, was invented at the Texas State Fair…which is, of course, at the forefront of deep fried technology.
On behalf of everyone here at Big Boy Bamboo, we hope that your state fair serves up deep fried miracles, too.
In case it doesn’t, though, here’s an article that describes the deep fried butter experience at the Iowa State Fair.
For those of you who don’t have access to deep fried butter, we recommend trying another buttery confection in our own hometown:
That’s right, there’s a secret 6th ridiculously manly food on this list!
Right here in our hometown of Las Vegas, the Heart Attack Grill serves up butterfat shakes.
They also sell a burger with 40 bacon slices, but this section is vegetarian, so…
Let’s get back to the meat, shall we?
8 Pounds of Prime Rib
And then there’s prime rib.
And then, there’s 8 freaking pounds of juicy, tender, meaty prime rib.
Ward’s House of Prime in Wisconsin throws down one of the most ridiculously manly food challenges we’ve ever seen – a 125 ounce cut of prime rib.
They don’t talk much about it on their website, but they’ve gotten a fair amount of press over their manly meaty menu.
If you want to see the actual huge hunk of meat in question, you can see a clip from Travel Channel here.
Wards offers a few different ridiculous sizes of prime rib cuts – 40 ounces, 64 ounces, even 96 ounces – for your colon clogging pleasure.
Not a Wisconsin local?
You can always just eat 10 pounds of beef on your own time…
And if you really want a masculine recipe for greatness…
Epic Meal Time’s All Bacon Burger
Epic Meal Time is a cooking show.
They’re the cooking show for men, the model citizens of ridiculously manly foods, and we kind of have a bro crush on them.
Let’s talk about their bacon burger.
It’s a gigantic bacon wrapped burger…
With a bacon wrapped bun.
And bacon wrapped cheese.
They even bacon-wrapped the condiments.
You can see for yourself in their video, but be warned – if you’re easily offended, well…
Come to think of it, you probably shouldn’t be on this blog at all if you’re the sensitive type. Just saying.
We’re seriously jealous of the bacon wrapped onion rings on the side, too.
What’s on your list of ridiculously manly foods? Tell us in the comments…so we can eat it.