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Paunch's 100 Favorite Pick Up Lines

By Paunch Panda

Resident Fat Panda Paunch is quite the success with the ladies...and we're sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he's both a funny, cuddly cartoon and an endangered species. In an astounding moment of generosity, Paunch has agreed to share his best pick up lines for fat guys with the Big Boy community.

These pick up lines start out being cute and funny, transition into risqué and end up with some pretty rude and embarrassing pickup lines. Just because they make Paunch's chubby belly rise and fall with laughter doesn't mean they will do the same to you so read at your own risk!

As always, his advice is absolutely guaranteed to work (except that it's not) and should be used immediately (do not do that.)

Strap yourself in. This is going to be interesting.

Paunch's 100 Favorite Bamboo Pick Up Lines

Tweet your own favorite pick up lines to @PaunchPanda on Twitter!

Tame Pick Up Lines

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
You dropped something. [What?] Your standards. Hi, I'm Paunch.
Do you know what this shirt is made of. [Boyfriend material?] No, a proprietary blend of viscose from bamboo and organic cotton. It's Big Boy Bamboo.
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
Girl are you my appendix? Because I don't know how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
You're like my phone - I can't stop staring at you.
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
I'll bet you $100 you're about to turn me down.
My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute.
I have a dirty weekend planned. I'm going to do 3 loads of laundry.
I'm Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?
Are you insulin? Because without you, I'd die.
Were you just talking to me? [No.] Well, then start.
If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple.
People call me Paunch, but you can call me tonight.
What a coincidence! You look exactly like my next girlfriend.
I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. Give me yours and watch what I can do with it.
You're hotter than Papa Bear's porridge.
You're like summer in Vegas - hot as hell.
Do you have any raisins? [No] Then how about a date?
Baby, you must be Google Glasses because you augment my reality.
Even if you're not on Twitter, you can get @me.
Are you a 90-degree angle, because you're lookin' right.
You're like Google. You have everything I'm searching for.
You're like WiFi. I'm feeling the connection.
Ever heard of princesses? Here's my number. Let me know if you ever want to be treated like one.
You're like a phaser - set to stun.
If I was a Facebook status, would you like me?
Tie your shoes! I can't have you falling for anyone else.

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Moderate Potential for Getting Slapped

Are you a photographer? Because I'd love to take you in a dark room and see what develops.
I'm no hipster, but I can make your hips stir.
Do you live in a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you.
You're like a parking ticket. You've got fine written all over you.
Do you believe in the hereafter? Then I guess you know what I'm here after.
I'm out hunting treasure and I'm digging your chest.
You remind me of work...because I'm not doing you, but I should be.
You're hotter than the bottom of my laptop.
Most girls want to be Cinderella, but I want a Rapunzel...someone who never leaves the bedroom and wants me to pull her hair.
I followed you home because my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
If you were a Dr. Seuss book, you'd be Green Eggs and Damn!
You like sleeping? I like sleeping, too! We should do it together sometime.
Come home with me now and we can do whatever you want...as long as we don't wake up my mother.
Those pants must be Wonka brand, because your ass looks sweet.
[While pointing at her butt] Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Let's go back to my place and do the things I'm going to tell everyone we did anyway.
If I said I wanted your body, would you hold it against me?
Are you a magician? Because abraca-DAYUM.
Your dad must have been a terrorist, because you're the bomb.
Are those karate pants? Because your booty is kickin'.
Let's make like a fabric softener and Snuggle.
Your name must be Whitman, because I want to sample you.
You might not be a drum, but I'd still bang you.
I just have to meet the most beautiful girl here tonight. [Point to another girl] Do you know her?
If I had to choose between a night with you and winning the lottery...I'd choose the lottery, but it would be close.
You must be sitting on the F5 key, because your ass is refreshing.
Those must be softball pants, because your ass is out of my league.
You must work for the post office. I saw you checking out my package.
If you're feeling down, don't worry. I'll feel you back up.
Do you use Internet Explorer? Just checking to see if you like it slow.
Are you good with computers? Can you turn software into hardware?
Surprise your roommate and don't come home tonight.
I'm a chemistry student. That means I do it on the table periodically.
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your jeans.
Want to go back to my place and hashtag?

You Should Probably Wear A Cup for These Pick Up Lines

You're penetrated by millions of neutrinos every second...so mind if I join in?
Nice legs. What time do they open?
Are you a termite? Well, you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
Do you like politics? Good, I'm going to do to you what Congress is doing to America.
Let's play taxidermist. I'll mount and stuff you back at my place.
Do you like Skittles? You can taste my rainbow any time.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U...between F and CK.
The word of the day is "legs." Want to come to my place and spread the word?
Do you like whales? Because we can humpback at my place.
You remind me of a motherboard, because I'd RAM you all night.
Do you like heavy metal? I could teach you how to scream.
You're like a trophy bass. I don't know whether to eat you or mount you.
I put the STD in stud, so all I need is U.
Is there a keg in those pants? Because I want to tap that ass.
Let's make like camels and hump.
They call me snowstorm because I'll give you 10 inches and you won't be able to leave your house for days.
Do you think calculus is hard? Well, that's not the only thing.
I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
Is your battery dead? Because I'd love to jump you.
Hi, my name is Paunch. I thought you should know since you'll be screaming it later.
You know guys think with their dicks, right? In that case, will you blow my mind?
Would you sleep with me for $100? [What kind of woman do you think I am?!] I know what kind of woman you are. Now, we're just haggling over price.
If you sit on my lap we can talk about the first thing that pops up.
If I were a dog, would you help me bury my bone?
My magic watch says you're not wearing any underwear. Oh, it's wrong? It must be an hour fast.
I last longer than a white crayon.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
We already have great chemistry, so shall we move on to anatomy?
What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
How about we go back to my place for pizza and sex? [No.] What, you don't like pizza?
You remind me of my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own.
You remind me of homework because I'm going to spread you on my desk and do you all night long.
If I told you my name is Bubbles, would you blow me?
I'm no weatherman...but I'm sure you'll be getting a few inches tonight.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
There might be 8 planets in the solar system, but tomorrow there will only be 7 because I'm going to destroy Uranus.

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