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Paunch's Plus-Size Guide to Picking Up Chicks - Dating for Big Guys
By Paunch Panda
Picking up chicks might seem intimidating, but with a little know-how and some totally realistic, not at all ridiculous tips from the Paunch, the Official Fat Panda, you'll be surrounded by women before you can say "grossly underpaid copywriter masquerading as a cartoon animal."
Disclaimer: Take advice from cartoon pandas at your own risk. If you want advice from an actual dating expert, scroll down to the bottom of this post.
Second disclaimer: Paunch is fairly compensated for his work on this blog. Animal rights activists, rest easy.
Paunch's Best Tricks for Picking Up Chicks
Wear Attention-Grabbing Clothing
Some guys manage to turn heads by sheer sex appeal alone, but the rest of us need a better strategy.
Want to be the center of attention?
Then make sure you're wearing the loudest, brightest, most ostentatious clothing in the room.
Trust me, the girls won't be able to stop staring.
I'm not saying you should dress up as a clown...but girls do love a guy who can make them laugh, so I'm not saying that you shouldn't, either.
Hey, not everyone can be a cute and cuddly panda bear.
You have to work with what you've got, and sometimes, what you've got is a fringed vest, a gold chain, and metallic parachute pants.
Learn a New, Lady-Approved Skill
Acrobatic hula hooping. Sword swallowing. Unicycling. Competitive eating.
What do all of these activities have in common?
That's right. Chicks love them.
The louder, crazier, and riskier the activity, the more chicks will gather around to watch.
Soon, you'll have your pick from the crowd.
This works even better if you combine it with tip #1.
Stalk Check Out Girls' Social Media Profiles
Trying to get a girl's attention?
Like all of her Facebook pictures.
Chicks naturally want you to pay attention to them, and what better way to prove your interest than a little light stalking?
Plus, now there are a whole array of emojis that can help you express exactly how you feel about her without ever saying a word.
You can't say the wrong thing if you don't say anything at all.
This works especially well if she doesn't know who you are in real life.
Online friends are the best kind of friends.
Dating for Big Guys
According to our expert's advice, big men actually have a distinct advantage over their skinnier counterparts.
Here's why: Women have a strong, instinctive desire to feel safe and secure around a man.
Big guys hold a special biological appeal, because, within a woman's primal subconscious, she equates size with safety and protection.
Your bulk might not be the most fashionable body type right now, but evolutionarily speaking, you're a top prospect for a potential mate.
Of course, you can't rely on evolutionary biology alone to pick up chicks.
The 5 expert tips below all hinge on 1 main factor that will determine your success or failure with the ladies:
Confidence.
NOW YOU KNOW HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS, WEAR SOME OF OUR BIG AND TALL BAMBOO T-SHIRTS WHEN YOU DO!
Crew Neck T-Shirts
You could call this style “timeless,” but in reality, this is the soft, comfortable bamboo t shirt we grab when we don’t want to waste time thinking about the latest fashion nonsense.
Pocket Crew Neck T-Shirts
The familiar crew neck says “I have more important things to do than quibble over the latest ridiculous fashion trends,” and the pocket says “I’m professional enough that I might have to carry a pen one day.”
V-Neck T-Shirts
A Big Boy Bamboo V-Neck Bamboo T-Shirt is ideal for wearing under dress shirts since they effectively hide some of your jiggle without being too hot to qualify as an undershirt.
Bamboo-Based Fiber Makes the Softest Men’s T-Shirts
Our bamboo t shirts for men are made for big guys, and the choice to use viscose from bamboo is no coincidence. Bamboo viscose is perfect for big boys! Here’s why bamboo is the perfect choice for big size t-shirts.
Who Is Big Boy Bamboo?
We're an unapologetic, down-to-earth bamboo clothing brand for plus size men – specifically Big Guys who wear 3XL-8XL and Tall Guys who wear 1XLT-4XLT.
We carry soft, comfortable bamboo t-shirts that help you look great, fit you comfortably and keep you cool all day long. We’re your new favorite king size big and tall men's clothing brand.
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