5 Reasons Big Guys are BAMFs
Big guys are BAMFs.
Note: If you need a translation for that acronym, here's one from InternetSlang.com.
Hint: B** A** M***** F*****s.
Maybe the advertising world doesn't recognize it, and maybe you don't always feel that way, but it's the truth.
Here's to the fat guys like you that are out there every day, proving how badass we can really be. This post is dedicated to you.
5 Ways Big Guys are BAMFs
1) We're the perfect balance - masculine, yet cuddly.
If you read Paunch's Guide to Picking Up Chicks, you already know that larger men trigger an instinctive response in female brains that tells women we're safe, protective, and utterly masculine.
That's pretty awesome by itself, right?
But here's the thing: Women love snuggling.
Of course, it's more comfortable to cuddle someone with a little padding - after all, would you rather hug a tree trunk or a teddy bear?
Big dudes have it all, then: we're hard, yet soft. Manly, yet approachable.
Dating material. BAMFs.
2) Unbeatable champs at backyard sports.
Maybe we're not the guys you want on your track and field marathon team, but as soon as someone declares a game of tug-o-war, it's time to bring out the fat dudes.
Have you ever seen a skinny lineman?
We've got the undeniable advantage in sumo wrestling with no fat suit needed, log throwing, weight lifting, and competitive eating.
When you need someone to literally throw their weight around, we're your guys.
Plus, we lift weight every day of our lives, and we build muscle way easier than our svelte counterparts.
It's just science.
3) We win at winter.
Watch on YouTube.
While everyone else is shivering, cranking up the heat, and putting on another pair of socks for warmth, we're comfortable in long sleeves.
To get technical, we actually stay warmer because our body burns more calories for our everyday activities, and that creates more body heat.
That's right, guys. We burn MORE calories than smaller men.
Since we stay warm naturally, the winter months are much more comfortable for us than they are for people with no padding.
Plus, we make an authentic Santa Claus - all we need is a red suit and a white beard.
4) Want free food? Visit Heart Attack Grill.
Image provided courtesy of Heart Attack Grill.
Heart Attack Grill is part of Las Vegas culture...and anyone over 350 pounds eats free.
According to their website, you have to weigh in before you get your free burger and fries, and you have to buy a beverage, but there's no limit on how many free burgers you can eat.
You just have to get weighed again before each serving.
Bring your camera, too...if you don't finish your meal, you get a complimentary spanking from a sexy nurse.
Maybe that's not your thing...
But your friends are definitely going to want photographic evidence.
5) We have the best sense of humor.
If big guys didn't have an awesome sense of humor, we could never get away with writing blog posts like this one.
Comedians like Chris Farley and Gabriel Iglesias have made the public infatuated with fat guys, and no sitcom is complete without at least one big dude.
Fat men seem to be the least offended segment of the population, and we're kind of proud of that.
Stay awesome, big guys!